How to quieten your inner critic and tune into a nurturing voice instead.

  Posted On:  May 3, 2023

Have you been listening to your inner critic lately?

I don’t know about you but my inner critic can really get loud sometimes.
It can be like there is a megaphone shouting out insecurity, self-doubt, and uncertainty in statements like:  “Why did I do that?” “I can’t believe I said that.”  “I have no idea what I’m doing right now.

Whether you are having a megaphone kind of day or if you simply notice the occasional inner chatter about how you ‘should have done something different/better/quicker’; I offer you a simple tool.

The tool is an adaptation of a meditation called the “perfect nurturer’ and was developed for Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT).  It’s an exercise in imagination and can be really helpful to increase your confidence and shift your focus of that inner negative chatter.

Here are the key steps:

  1. Create an image in your mind of someone (real or imagined) who you consider a good nurturer or coach.  This would be someone who is kind and compassionate, someone who will encourage you and support you while also wanting only the best for you.  Use as much detail to describe this person as possible.
  2. Imagine sharing your current challenge with them and telling them how you feel about the challenge.
  3. Take some time to imagine, in detail, how that perfect nurturer/coach might respond.  Write down the response.

This initiates a new pattern of building your own confidence and practicing self-compassion. The more often you practice this exercise, the more you will be able to access this pattern and interrupt a cycle of feeling insecure and unsure of your world.

So the next time you find yourself being highly critical of yourself, take a moment and tune into your perfect nurturer and see what they have to say about that particular challenge and maybe, just maybe, you will start experiencing a little less self-doubt and a lot more self-compassion.